Crummb

When a food critic turns the poison pen on herself

Cupid’s Strawberry Cake with cream cheese buttercream January 22, 2009

Filed under: Disaster cakes — crummb @ 10:42 am
Tags: , , ,

strawberry-mess-lo

DO NOT attempt to adjust your computer screen. This cake is really as bad as it looks.

Ever since I started this blog last May, I have – only half-jokingly too – tried to project myself as some baking wunderkind on the cusp of conquering the confectionery world. But at the start of this new year, I thought, what the heck, I’m gonna be honest. I’m gonna post photos of ALL the stuff that comes out of my oven – the good, the bad, and the damn ugly, starting with this cataclysmic wreck of a cake.

I mean, no matter how much I improve my piping skills or perfect the art of chocolate tempering, I’m never going to approach the greatness of the incomparable Cannelle et Vanille or Tartelette. The stuff they make is just outta this world. Who am I to upset their reign over the baking blogosphere?

So I’ve decided to be a master of another category of blogs – the kind that shows you the out-takes and bloopers from baking.  If I keep making cakes as disastrous as this one, I’ll be the almighty ruler of this realm.

Anyway, this recipe is taken from Flo Braker’s new book, Baking For All Occasions. Let me say first that even if it had turned out looking like the pretty photo in the book, I still wouldn’t eat it because it was so unbearably sweet, it was murder.

The cake layers were already too sweet. And still you gotta slather on two layers of fruit jam, plus another filling and all-over coating of  cream cheese buttercream. It’s might as well that the cake bombed. At least I didn’t have to eat it.

So what went wrong? My memory is a little fuzzy now, but I think it had something to do with my not waiting for the buttercream mixture to cool completely before whipping in the cream cheese. So what started out as a  thick, spreadable concoction suddenly turned into sad, watery puddle.

It was a joke trying to spread the thing on the cake. Imagine painting your wall with water. It got even funnier when I placed a layer of cake on top of the cream cheese puddle. The cake literally went “splat” and the cream cheese dribbled down the sides, taking along with it my pretty, carefully arranged strawberry slices.

It was so bad, it’s good.

Allow me, then, to lyricise the cruel beauty of this accidental creation: Such contrast between furry crumb and shiny liquid. Such juxtaposition of hard-edged cake and free-flowing buttercream. Such DRAMA made possible using just flour, butter, sugar and cream!

This, my friends, is art!

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10 Responses to “Cupid’s Strawberry Cake with cream cheese buttercream”

  1. zann Says:

    that’s a really pretty…errr…cakestand.

  2. crummb Says:

    hahahahahaa…!

  3. happygrub Says:

    The strawberries looked perfectly sliced..?

    Btw, I automatically halve sugar in American recipes, the amount of sugar they usually call for is crazy and doesn’t suit most Asian tastes. What do you think?

  4. Stef Says:

    Ouch…. =)
    But that was a funny post,it put a smile on my face….
    takes me back to the time when I was an impatient young lass who err…decided to horizontally slice a warm chocolate cake.

    It literally broke into sectioned chunks.
    Sigh.

    But yes,I never did trust American/British cake recipes much,I try and gauge to see if the proportions are right!

  5. oh! initially i thought it was a rather artistic bakery work of urs! after reading ur post, then i realise it didnt turn out well.

    it’s ok, keep trying! 🙂

  6. daphnechan00 Says:

    And ART it is ! *appalled*..oops I meant *applause* !!

  7. tellaure Says:

    just keeping it real ehhh? haha.

    with that picture in mind, i think i can finally overcome my fear of putting together layered cakes.

  8. wordsmith Says:

    it’s still better than the time when I burnt part of my kitchen cupboards down when baking cookies, because the butter was firstly too melted, plus my cousin (my partner in crime) and myself had completely forgotten about the small tray of baking cookies. I was only fourteen years old, and have since then just bought cookies from famous amos!

  9. wordsmith Says:

    on another note, this does look like a cakey version of nightmare on elm street. Or u can name it a nightmare at OV?

  10. crummb Says:

    happygrub: yeah, me too. i always reduce the sugar by about a quarter. i’ve never gone as far as halving it, but man, some of these recipes NEED it! so you’re right!

    thanks guys for all your comments. i have another disaster cake deep, DEEP in my archives that i’m still gathering enough courage to post. if you see that one, you’ll laugh – excuse the singaporeanism – until teeth all drop. maybe one day when i’m under medication.. 🙂


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