When a food critic turns the poison pen on herself

Hard candy December 3, 2008

Filed under: Inane stuff — crummb @ 11:16 am


Alright. Persuaded by Stef, a reader who is sweet enough to have dropped a few comments in the past (I lerv comments!), I have decided to give Nick Malgieri and his %$#!@*@!!! caramel recipe another go.

So I mixed 1/2 cup of sugar with 1 teaspoon of water, plonked it on the heat and DID NOT STIR. As it did the last five times I tried this, the damn thing crystallised into a layer of lumpy rock sugar. But I stood firm, I DID NOT STIR. After the sun went down (okay, I exaggerate, but it was a looong time), finally some bits of the sugar started melting. But it melted unevenly, and by the time all of it turned to liquid, some parts had turned a dark, scary brown. When it was safe to finally give it a good swirl, the overall colour was a dark amber (see pic).

Yes, I succeeded in making a sugar syrup alright, but the colour was too dark, and the flavour a little too burnt. 

So. Does this mean that I have maligned Mr Malgieri? No! If stirring is strictly prohibited during this process, why didn’t he say so in the book?  Plus! Between this gruelling method and say, just about any other caramel recipe known to man, I’d go for the latter. Why? Because I’m no sucker for pain! I wanna make my caramel and not have a few years chopped off my lifespan!

Therefore, I rest my case. Mr Malgieri is guilty of gross indecency for inflicting such abject pain to me, not to mention the hundreds of sugar canes whose lives were wasted on failed experiments.


Crummb 2, Malgieri 0


6 Responses to “Hard candy”

  1. junieee Says:

    hey baker extraordinaire, last time hor when i was doing food & nutrition (yeahhh, pple rebel by piercing ears, my teenaged rebellion was taking cooking class for o levels instead of like, a 16th language/higher math hahahahha), we also made caramel with very little water. but not as little as mr m’s lah. n there was some stirring involved. i think one of my friends even put in microwave.

    anyhow can make fruit cake? i’m a fruit cake fiend hahahha.

  2. crummb Says:

    hello jooni! you mean those dense, overly sweet xmas fruitcakes that taste like phone books with maraschino cherries thrown in? i can’t staaand them! don’t make me make them please. gimme summing else, i’ll make it for you. go on, anything else.

    ps: when i was 16, my act of rebellion was wearing converse sneakers. aww yeah.

  3. Cookie Says:

    My dear baker, you are soooo funny! I love your blog.


  4. Stef Says:

    Hi Pau Lin! I was actually told by some good friends over at Dream Academy how awesome a baker you were (GH & XE)..they thoroughly enjoyed the cake at J’s wedding!

    I’m so glad things worked out this time,hey a burnt caramel is gourmet caramel to some people ok! It’s wonderful swirled into some good vanilla bean ice cream with some chopped toasted pecans/almonds. Bring on the burnished stuff I say….good work! =)

  5. Nick Malgieri Says:

    Gross indecency? Rende il mio cuore così triste che lo parlereste di in questo modo.

  6. crummb Says:

    *thank goodness for Babel Fish!*
    yes, Mr Malgieri, you ought to feel sad. i’d bet my friend Chris can do a much better job than you! ptui!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s